Parents and Children

dropdown We now know that the parents of Saddam Hussein and Adolf Hitler never hesitated to use corporal punishment to teach their delicate offspring the difference between right and wrong. This is the fundamental objection to slapping, smacking and caning: it helps to perpetuate a culture of violence. dropdown Dads who are about to beat their kids often say, as they roll up their sleeves, "I'll teach you a lesson." In that lesson kids don't just learn that they have been naughty, they also learn that it is permissible to use violence to impose your idea of what is right. Some children will be forever shocked by their parents' brutality, but many others will harden themselves and grow up ready to beat their own children. dropdown More than likely, it was an instinctive reaction providing a momentary feeling of satisfaction for the parent. The kids don't do what you say, they start winding you up, your pride is hurt, they are being too noisy and happy and full of themselves, you hit them, they sit down and shut up and you feel better. dropdown There are alternatives to this approach. Admittedly, they require more patience, thought and understanding, but it is surely better to take the trouble to find ways to encourage kids to behave well rather than rely on inflicting pain when they behave badly. dropdown Children don't learn right from wrong by being beaten. They simply learn how to avoid pain by doing what they are told. That's not morality, that's just survival. Children learn about morality and ethics from those they respect, love and trust, not those they fear. dropdown When children are beaten they may well learn to abide by the rules but something will be lost. Particularly for young children, the attitudes of parents towards them can be internalised so that they become formative for the child's relationship to him or herself. Parental aggression can in some cases lead to children being overly severe with themselves.